Aim to make your partner feel good about themselves


This might be just that one ingredient needed for your relationship to be strong.

It’s not the responsibility of one partner to build up the other’s low self-esteem or lack of self-worth.

Being mindful of how often you’re criticizing your partner, and aiming instead to engage in positive reinforcement and authentic compliments can go a long way.

Criticism is likely to slip out every so often, but it shouldn’t be the dominant form of feedback you’re giving or receiving.

Do things together that you genuinely enjoy. try coming up with things that you genuinely enjoy doing together, and do more of those.

These are few ways to make your partner feel good about themselves:

1) Have a healthy competition

For the most part, healthy couples get along well. No two people will agree one hundred percent of the time, but those who are a good match for one another are generally in agreement on day-to-day activities as well as bigger or longer term plans.

Of course, this should not apply to situations in which one partner feels unsafe or as if a boundary is being crossed, but shifting to agreeability in areas where it’s appropriate and safe can have significant positive impacts on improving a relationship.

2) Communicate your love physically.

As relationships mature, affection may give way to avoidance of physical contact, particularly if there has been a betrayal or other life event that has caused a couple to grow apart.

For those who may be in need of some ice breaking, Wachtel suggests starting small and in private. Put your hand on your partner’s arm or back when you walk past them, or commit to giving them a kiss in the morning or before bed at night.

3) Give yourself to Each Other.

Security is a key component of a healthy relationship, and emotional security is a key part of feeling safe. Practice listening to your partner when they are distressed without giving in to the urge to fix, solve, or evaluate things.

No feeling is invalid, so even if you don’t agree with your partner’s point of view, you can always say, “I hear you,” or “I can understand why you would feel that way,” or “I can tell this is really hard for you,” when they are upset. Unconditionally validating your partner lets them know that you are a safe ally, and are on their side. This can work wonders in terms of establishing a secure relationship.